Look Who's Talking

I was like everyone else with the first child, trying to teach them everything immediately including talking. Every new mother cannot wait until the first
"mama" comes out. With any children after that it is not the case. At least not with me and with some others I have spoken to. You try and delay everything as long as possible. You know as soon as they start crawling/walking they will be into everything and you will be forever chasing after them. As for the talking, you will begin to hate the word "mama" after hearing it for the millionth time in one day.

Unfortunately, after a while they just start to pick things up by themselves. While I am on vacation here staying at my sisters my little lady sleeps in the same room as me. This morning I am laying there pretending to be asleep because I heard her moving around. Of course there is the "mama" which I ignore and hope she will just go back to sleep. Instead the next thing I hear is "shit". I am thinking, did she just say shit? Only to hear it again. I don't think this is what she was really saying but in her baby babble but it sure sounded like it.

Note to self...when in the car driving with the kids and I feel the need to curse because some asshole just cut me off of jumped in front of me at the drive thru coffee shop, remember "internal monologue".

Tomorrow we have a road trip to Montreal. A friend and I are driving with all our kids (her 3 & my 2) ranging in ages from 8 - 21 months. We have plenty of snacks and movies ready. I sorta feel like Thelma and Louise - unfortunately we don't have Brad Pitt as a passenger.

Have a great weekend!

Confession Time

When I returned to work after after my first child I was really looking forward to it. Getting to go out without my kid, dress pretty, put on some makeup. After a few months the novelty wore off. Just seemed like I had 2 full time jobs. After baby number 2 I didn't have to return because of our move to Saudi Arabia. Now after being home again I get the same itch.

Some mothers I speak with or read about on blogs talk about how great it is at home with the kids. They talk about all the activities they do, the crafts etc etc. I find it hard to fill an hour. My youngest isn't quite 2 yet and nothing holds her attention for more than 5 minutes. I do have to say one child was a lot easier. I thought if there was another they would entertain each other. NOT! They just fight with each other.

Today I drove by the condo my sister and I use to live in pre-marriage and babies. My son asked me what are we doing sitting here and I said "This is where Mommy use to live when she had a life".

What I wouldn't give to be able to sit and watch The Young & The Restless without little voices asking if it is over yet. Enjoy a hot coffee or meal. Ok I am not one of those moms who can make running the house, cooking, cleaning, and entertaining 2 kids seem effortless. I don't have that maternal instinct where I find joy in every little thing my kids do. All I see after finger painting is a huge friggin mess that I have to clean up.

I don't want a t-shirt that says "World's Greatest Mom".

Now that I have that out there I feel much better and can stop trying to be.

Kidz Say The Funniest Things

Today was a rainy day so we head off to the shopping mall. We make a stop for coffee and snacks and while sitting there my son says "look how big that mans belly is". Not quietly either of course. I am trying to shhh him and explain how that is not very nice and we don't say things like that. All the while trying not to giggle. A time my BFF always remembers was when we were in a restaurant having lunch and of course during the meal my son has to go to the bathroom. After doing his business we return for him to yell across the place to my BFF that he went poo!

What is your funniest "I can't believe my kid said that" moment?

Irie

The last concert I went to was Coldplay when I was 6 months pregnant. So last night felt really good to get out without the kids and let loose. I went to see Jimmy Cliff. For those that do not know who this is he helped popularize reggae across the world. I guess along with Bob Marley he would be the best known Jamacian artist. It was like a huge dance party at Massey Hall. Anyone that has attended a concert at this great theatre in Toronto knows what a wonderful venue for a concert it is.

What would have made the night complete would have been if my hubby had been there. He is still back in Saudi due to join us here in about 3 weeks. He would have really loved it. My hubby was born in Kingston, Jamacia. He always said how crazy it is that we found each other. I was born and raised (until the age of 5) in Belfast, Northern Ireland. So for 2 people from totally different parts of the world to find each other is funny to us.

I guess another example of a "it's a small world".

Wicked Weekend

Look out weekend!
Tomorrow I am ditching the kids and heading out for a wicked weekend.

I have been wanting to get a few more tats (after I get the 3 I have planned that will make 5) so I will be stopping by a sleazy tattoo parlor for a consult and if they can squeeze me in perhaps I will get one or two done. Also been thinking about getting my belly re-pierced. I had it done pre-kiddies but during my first pregnacy I took it out and never replaced it.

After that I will be heading to my friends place for a girls night out! We plan to have some food and wine (light on the food, heavy on the wine) hit a club, perhaps a martini bar. I love my old neighbourhood. Everything I just mentioned is within walking (or stumbling) distance.

We will then crash at one of the girls places for a slumber party. Pillow fights in our pj's, isn't that what all men think we do at sleepovers.

What A Crazy World

I haven't been able to get onto the computer as much lately. I actually have a life now. Which is great but I have got behind in my writing and reading online.

By now some of you have heard that The Mayor over in Crazy Town and I have run into each other. Well not actually met yet, but I have met her mother and sister. Seems like the wild and crazy universe has decided we need to met. For what reason - who knows. I just go with the flow...
But I cannot wait to get to know her better.

My week here so far has been spent seeing family and friends. It is so nice not to have to plan anything (where I need to book my driver) and just wake up, decide what to do, hop in the car and go. I LUV driving again. Cruising along the highway, windows closed because it has been so damn hot here, listening to tunes. Ok the tunes are Barney but that is ok - I sing along. As for the heat I know I live right smack dab in the middle of the friggin desert where it is a million degrees but we have no humidity. It's a killer.

I will continue to jump online and keep you up-to-date on my vacation adventures. So far we are off to a great start!

Let The Sun Shine In !

Yesterday was my birthday. Not that I pay attention anymore. Instead of being a time to party it has become a time to dread. So I just sit back, hope no one remembers and I won't be another year older. But I did receive a wonderful present from The Mayor over in Crazy Town, either she is psychic or has friggin great timing. She passed along the "Sunshine Award" to me. I have only been blogging a few weeks now, what a great honor to have received already. It actually brought a tear to my eye when I read her sweet comments. Thanks so much my new friend.

In order to accept this award I have to pass it on to 12 other blogs that bring me sunshine! Since I am so new to this I don't think I am able to pass this along just yet. So stay tuned.

The Veil Has Been Lifted

Ok the trip was a little bit hell but sooo worth it! Stepping out of the airport on a bright sunny afternoon. It is strange but you forget the colours in the world. The sky was bright blue, trees and grass so green. This might sound weird to everyone but living in Saudi there is nothing but the colour beige. The sky is the same colour as sand. The houses are the same colour as sand. I cannot even explain the feeling of coming out from under my veil. A great weight has been lifted.

A huge thanks to my sister and her hubby for putting up with us for 10 weeks!
I have the best sis in the world.

Have been Skyping with my other (but not better) half. Saying how much he misses us. Pullezzz, don't give me that shit! I know he is just laying around in his own filth loving the peace and quiet.

That's what I would be doing if the roles were reversed.

Leaving On A Jet Plane

I am finally leaving Saudi and heading back to Canada for the summer. I cannot wait to get back to a normal existence. I am taking the kids and the hubby will be joining me in a month.

17 hours total travel time with 2 young kids, by myself!

I am a little frightened.

Wish me luck.

"MEN"opause

Yesterday my hubby came home and announced he had read an article about menopause. He proceeded to inform me that the symptoms I am having are normal. No shit sherlock! I didn't need you to tell me that.

When I had my second baby, by c-section, we had decided we were not having any more children so I had my tubes tied. When I finished breastfeeding my period returned like normal for 2 months then disappeared. I figured it was the stress of our move. When it still hadn't returned after 4 or 5 months I went to an OB. She ran tests and said it seemed like I was in early menopause, most likely due to my tubes being tied. I was fine with it, happy in fact! Come on ladies, if you are finished having kids who needs a period each month. The downside were the symptoms that go along with it. Hot flashes, mood swings ....

However the thing my hubby was most interested in was the mention of low sex drive. Because it is all about him, right? Sure it may be part of it but could it also be the fact that I am looking after 2 young kids, a house and on very little sleep. Even though both my kids sleep through the night now, I still don't. It seems that with all the years of disrupted sleep it is now a habit.

God forbid I suggest my hubby look after the kids for a week or two and let me have a much needed rest. Maybe then he will get some sex.

Sand In My Eyes

I am sure you are wondering how the hell I ended up in Saudi Arabia. While I was pregnant with my second child my husband applied for a position here, never thinking anything would actually come from it. Well it did. He interviewed for the position 2 days after I gave birth and 6 months later here we are. In addition to making this move for financial reasons which is why everyone is in Saudi, we thought it would be a great experience for both us and our kids to see a different culture and part of the world.

Living in Saudi has been very challenging for me. It is very conservative. I have to cover up in an abaya (long black robe) whenever I go out. Women are not allowed to drive or work. I have a driver who takes me wherever I have to go. Everywhere shuts 5 times a day for prayers. Places like restaurants are segregated, they have a mens only section and a family/ladies section. There aren't any movies or clubs. Entertainment is non-existent. Alcohol is illegal. A friend of mine, a woman from the UK here as a teacher was just arrested. Her crime, she had a male friend helping her move some stuff. She was held for 4 hours and fingerprinted. Women are not suppose to go out with a man who is not her husband (or a close relative) unless it is a driver. They have public executions at a place called "Chop Chop Square".

Most expats live in a western style compound where you don't have to cover up, it has shops, swimming pools, gyms etc. These compounds have long waiting lists. We have been in Saudi for one year now and just got onto one. We have been living in a Saudi villa. Picture your house surrounded by large walls so you cannot see your neighour and they cannot see you. Saudi's do not interact with others, only their family. I have been extremely lonely and isolated. Me and 2 kids stuck inside all day, we have a small outside area but not really big enough for kids to play. Add onto that the heat (right now daytime temps can get to 50 degrees). There have been a lot of tears. So we are extremely happy to finally get into a more normal living environment. I don't think I could have gone on the way we were. I seriously was considering going to the doctor to get something for depression. Living here can break a person very easily.

Pregnancy x2

My husband and I started trying for a family almost immediately after we married. We were both 35 and knew time was short. It took about 6 months before it finally worked.

My pregnancy was great. I was never sick, felt great and had the "glow". The delivery was something else. One night 2 weeks before my due date I got out of bed to go to the bathroom. After a couple of steps there was a large gush. My water had broken. I sat on the toilet until it finished, had a shower and went back to bed. My husband was unable to sleep now so he went to carve pumpkins, it was the day before Halloween. About 4 hours later the contractions started and we went to the hospital. I was only 1-2cm dilated, if my water had not broken they would have sent me home. Hours passed and finally I was 10cm. I pushed for over an hour with nothing. The baby was not dropping. Finally I was exhausted so they did a C-Section. The doctor delivered the baby "a boy"!

I always say if my second pregnancy had been my first there would not have been another. Right from the get go I felt horrible. I craved nothing but junk food. I slept horrible. Her delivery was uneventful. Due to problems I had with the first one my OB and I decided to have a scheduled C-Section.

My kids could not be more different either. My son was a wonderful baby. Cried very little and easy going. My daughter is totally opposite. She whines, cries, complains always. My son would be happy to sit beside me when we go out. She get frustrated in her stroller or highchair and screams to get out.

Wish someone would have told me downside of being a mom.
No peace in Mommyland !

Welcome

This is my first attempt at a blog. So please be patient with me. It will probably be changing on a daily basis. Computers are like my car, I have no idea how it works.

I am a Fab 40 year old woman with 2 young children. I decided I needed an outlet to get out my thoughts and feelings, good and bad, in order to keep sane. Some things you cannot share with your hubby, family and friends. Since I became a stay at home mom I started reading blogs and figured I would give it a try. Most of the ones I have read all mention these wonderful children. Where are all the nasty ones? Just in my house? I will talk about the feelings of doom and gloom that also go along with being a mother. I know I am not the only one, most people just don't talk about it.

The name of the blog came from my feeling I have "Lost" myself after my children. I use to be the happy-go-lucky girl. Always in a good mood, laughing. Before I had children I asked a friend about feeling I was to set in my ways and would be to selfish to have children. She said all those feelings would change after I had a baby. They haven't I miss my old life sooo much. Does that make me a horrible person - fine I'm horrible.

Perhaps I should also mention I am a Canadian currently living in Saudi Arabia. That alone would drive a sane person crazy. Add onto that I started early menopause at 40.
Therefore,

2 Young Kids + Saudi Arabia + Menopause = Struggle For Sanity