Monday, February 28, 2011

The Art Of Seduction

An interesting article I found - I think we can all relate to this...

My husband wants more sex but can't get me in the mood.

My husband and I have been together for 16 years, we’ve got two beautiful children and what, in many ways, seems a great life. But we’ve been stuck in the same argument about our sex life for years.

He’s always saying we should have more sex; it’s become his response to everything.

If I ask him why he’s grumpy, his invariable answer is we don’t make love enough — even though we do at least twice a month (but then he complains that I only do it grudgingly).

The truth is, I don’t feel inclined to act like a sex kitten when I live with a grouch, who puts no effort into seducing me. I need to be in the mood for sex, but he never tries to understand what puts me in that mood.

So you think your husband’s greedy and he thinks you’re grudging, eh?

Welcome to the world of countless thousands of British couples. This must be one of the most frequently cited marital arguments in the textbook. So much so, that I brought up the topic of your letter when out with friends over half term (well, we had to talk about something while the children ate their pizza).

There was hardly a man there who didn’t have some sympathy for your husband, and barely a woman who didn’t feel solidarity with you.

The men claimed their bad tempers would melt away if their wives made love with the same sort of gusto they had when they first met, while the women said they might be more willing if their husbands courted them as they had in the early days. Nor did the men seem to realise how long days spent combining work with childcare brought their wives to their knees.

Both sides thought they had the true grievance and therein, of course, lies the problem.

For anything to shift in this particular dynamic you both need to acknowledge the other’s gripe as legitimate. Isn’t it possible for you to consider that your husband does feel dispirited by the fact you sometimes push him away when he wants to make love to you?

You don’t need to be a psychologist to know your average man with a reasonably lusty sex drive does tend to feel cantankerous if he’s frequently rejected.

Indeed, unsatisfied desire makes grumps out of all of us — male or female. The sensation of unsated lust is a bit like a pressure cooker left on the hot plate to stew away, until it blows its top.

One man I know, who split from his partner over this very issue, says: ‘Everyone understands how some men get angry if they’re hungry, as their blood sugar levels are askew. I feel just like that when I haven’t had sex. No one suggests a hungry man should go without food, yet plenty of people seem to think a sex-starved man should just do without.’

The husband of a friend says: ‘You often hear women say: “Oh, he’s not interested in romance, he just wants sex” — but, for most men, I know wanting to have sex with your wife is your way of being romantic and saying “I love you”. Why do some women seem so unhappy that their other halves are still keen to make love to them? You’d think they’d be glad their husbands don’t want to run off with the secretary!’

The ladies’ side of the coin is equally valid. Most of the women I know who are in long-term relationships have jobs, children, and do more than their share of household duties. They often feel too exhausted by the end of the day to work up any enthusiasm for sex.

They also find it harder than their men folk to switch from domestic mode into erotic mode. One friend says: ‘My husband can turn off the TV at the end of the night and then suddenly be in the mood for sex. I need more of a preamble: I like to have a glass of wine and some space for kissing, talking and holding each other before we go to the bedroom. We may have been together for 20 years, but I still find it seductive if he tells me I’m beautiful.’

Tellingly, most of the women I talked to felt that little gestures — compliments and caresses — were more important than flowers and meals out. One wife of 12 years said: ‘The most important thing for me is sustained eye contact, so that I really feel my husband’s looking at me, not just looking for sex — but it’s frustrating how hard he finds it to gaze into my eyes!’

Another thing that seemed to divide the sexes was the men’s expectation that they would feel revitalised by sex and women’s sense that it was just another chore. But, if closely queried, most of those women agreed good sex perked them up, too.

No one’s suggesting that you become a surrendered wife who offers sex on tap, whether you’re in the mood or not. But can’t you offer your husband a truce: more sexual enthusiasm from you in return for more emotional attentiveness from him? After all, there’s only one way to test the proposition that your husband’s temper would be better if he made love more frequently — and that’s in the bedroom.

If increased erotic activity doesn’t sweeten his mood, there’s one last weapon in your armoury: you can always go on sex strike.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Wordless Wednesday - Another Movie

I feel more lazy than normal today, so here is my Wordless Wednesday.

I loved the first movie and wasn't expecting much from the next one. However, Paranormal Activity 2 gave me goose bumps !

Thursday, February 17, 2011

The Big Question...

My husbands contract here in Saudi Arabia is up this year. After 2 years we are to head home in June. This week his boss came to him and said the board unanimously decided that they would like to renew his contract.

Oh No !! What to do...

Saudi is not a place I would stay forever. Some people I know have been here 10-15 years. You don't come to Saudi for the love of the place. It can be a suffocating, difficult place to live. You come for the money. They pay large salaries, give you a home, car, pay private school fees for the kids, plus it is tax free.

If this had happened a year ago I would have instantly said "No Way". Today I am in a different place. I am in a good compound and have a circle of friends. I know my way around. Have joined clubs that host events. The kids enjoy school. We have great holidays in places we would never have gone. Altho, I miss my family and friends. Having my own home and furniture. I miss, driving, not being restricted by prayer times, not having to cover when out.

We have about a month before the decision has to be made.

Stay tuned...

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Newpaper Article - Valentines Day in Saudi Arabia

Florists told to avoid red as Valentine’s Day approaches


Flower shops and gift shops have been asked to remove all red items and heart-shaped gifts until after Valentine’s Day by the Commission for Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice (Haia or Muttawa).

Celebration of the so-called day of love is frowned upon by authorities in the Kingdom.

Every year, Haia officials visit the shops a few days before Valentine’s Day, giving them instructions to remove all goods that have even the slightest hint of red, including roses, chocolate, wrapping paper and stuffed animals.

“We’re used to seeing Haia members a couple of days before Valentine’s Day asking us to put away all red items until after that day,” said Alan, a salesman at a gift shop.

“They also threaten that if we sell even one red rose or gift they will shut the shop down and get all the staff fired.”

Chocolate shops usually manage to make big sales the day before Valentine’s.

“Many young men come in a day before Valentine’s Day and ask for red chocolate boxes for the day of love,” said Hassan, a salesman at a chocolate shop in Rawda Street.

“They ask for heart-shaped chocolates in red heart-shaped boxes. If Haia men saw us selling those kinds of goods, they would stop our business, saying we are encouraging these young lovebirds.”

Members of the commission mobilize on the streets as part of a mission to trap couples who secretly meet in restaurants and caf├ęs.

“I was so furious last year when I was having a romantic dinner at a restaurant in Jeddah. Haia men marched in and grabbed my husband by his arms and cornered him, while I was surrounded by a number of them asking both of us stupid questions,” said Sara Naseem, a 27-year-old college lecturer.

“I was horrified by how they ambushed us and treated us like we were doing something immoral and inappropriate in public.”

The ban on selling red flowers on Valentine’s Day could have a negative effect on profits, according to florist Alex.

“Our annual plan for Valentine’s Day to keep our profit stable is to sell red flowers and gifts from under the counter or behind closed doors,” he said.

“We don’t sell them to everyone, we only make secret deals with trustworthy people or tell open-minded people to keep ourselves safe. We raise the price from SR10 for a red rose to SR30 because it’s the high season for them.”

Thursday, February 10, 2011

@$#%! Friday - The Girls Part Deux

In a previous post I spoke of the "lost girls".

My story has taken a sad turn. My bra has been feeling a little uncomfortable lately so I decided to measure myself. As it turns out I no longer fit into them. My size has been reduced to a 36AA!

Try finding that size in a store, not too many around, I was lucky to find 32A before. I am happy to report I did locate some. I was in the lingerie department of Marks & Spencers and found some! Ok, it was in the "junior miss" department as I like to refer to it, but whatever. There wasn't any black or red sexy lacy numbers (can no longer be picky) but I did manage a plain white and also a gray one. Just happy they don't look to "little girlish".

After getting home and cutting off the tags I read this Q&A attached to it.

The hubby and I had a good laugh at this one. There was even tears. Not sure it is was because we were laughing so hard or because of the sad state of my breasts (or lack thereof). Altho he was quite excited about the possibility of a school uniform.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

The Bad Kid

I like to think my kids are good. They have their moments of course, they are only 5 and 2. But I just have to call their name or give them the evil eye and and they jump to attention (usually).

There is a new kid in our compound. I always try to reach out to new expats. I know what it is like to be in this very strange place for the first time. It is overwhelming.

I meet this woman and her son at the kids karate class. Her son is the same age as my little guy. He is clinging to her peeking out every now and then to watch the other kids. We start talking and I tell her that he will have to come by our place and play with my kids sometime. She was very pleased with this idea, she wanted him to have some friends.

After seeing this kid around the compound over the next week or so I change my mind. He is no longer shy and seems out of control. He jumps around on the shopping bus, banging into everyone. He chases cars (that are moving). He pushed my little lady out of the way to try and get on her bike. At karate he never pays attention, grabs the teachers props, hits and kicks things. Last week I wasn't at the class but my husband told me he jumped on my son and started wrestling with him. This was during the class, my little man was sitting there listening to the instructor and next thing this kid was on him. During all these instances his mother stands there and in a quiet voice says "Stop (insert kids name)". He never listens.

My kids would never get away with this. I am strict with them and they don't get away with much. I don't think I am being a "parent snob".

Needless to say I have not invited this kid over and don't intend to. His mother also drives me nuts, she talks and talks, about nothing. After a while I tune out, it is just like listening to Charlie Browns teacher.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Wordless Wednesday - Sing It Out Loud

One thing I miss in Saudi is being able to drive and sing. Doesn't everyone love that - it is the only place tone deaf people like me can belt one out.

I was in the car this week, listening to my Ipod and Journeys "Lovin Touchin Squeezin" came on.

Oh how I wanted to sing, don't think my driver would have appreciated it.

This video was live in Toronto, takes a few minutes for him to get singing but worth the wait.